What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What did the ghost do at the red light? He came to a dead stop.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.