My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
Come witch me to the party.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.