Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.