How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!