Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Hear about the race between the Yeti and the Sasquatch?
The Sasquatch won, by a big foot.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Count Draculas.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.