Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?