What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."