A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.