I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?