What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.