How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.