Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.