What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Count Draculas.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.