How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Live to tell the tail.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!