Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.