Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.