How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!