My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
Live to tell the tail.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!