Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Werewolves love their fast food.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
Come witch me to the party.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!