I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Count Draculas.
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'