How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
Live to tell the tail.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.