What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.