Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.