Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
What do you get when you cross a vampire with an ice cube?
You end up with frost bite.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.