Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.