How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound