How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.