What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
Werewolves love their fast food.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.