According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
Live to tell the tail.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
Dr. Frankenstein must have been pretty buff.
He was a bodybuilder, after all.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.