What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.