What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Vein-illa!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.