What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Witch you were here.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Vein-illa!
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
Come witch me to the party.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.