Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
Hex Support!
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.