I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.