Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.