I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What did the ghost do at the red light? He came to a dead stop.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.