People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
- It’s going to be a Nessie job, but let’s get Kraken!
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Live to tell the tail.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.