What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!