What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
Rags to witches story.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.