What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.