“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” —Anonymous
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” —Andy Borowitz
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.” —Charlie Brown
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so." - Nora Ephron