Ya Jokes

“I gotta warn ya, every man I’ve ever gone out with has been ruined.”
“Well, that’s what they get for messing with my girl.”
- Bugsy (1991)
Is your name Tanya? Cuz I'm gonna tan ya ass.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
I'll neck ya like Hawko necks a beer!
There's some cabanossi and cheese back at my house with ya name on it.
Let me plant one on ya!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Ya gotta check it out. My water bed is full of beer.
“You loan your friend money. You see them again, they don’t say nothin’ ’bout the money. ‘Hi, how ya doin’? How’s ya mama doing?’ Man, how’s my money doin’?” – Chris Tucker
A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."

The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the sun off'aya when it's hot and the rain off'aya when it rain'n."

"Why do you all wear vests?" Well mame, it keeps ya warm when it's cold but it leaves your arms free for rope'n and work'n."

"What about the chaps? " "They keep the burrs and brambles off'a ya."

She says "that all makes perfect sense, but what I don't understand is why you'd wear tennis shoes."

"Aww, that's easy, that's so folks don't mistake us for TRUCKERS!"
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