“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms. Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.” “Why?” asked the man, smiling. “I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it. Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature. Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."