Vegetarian Jokes

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
Are you a vegetarian? Because I got a plump cucumber to fit inside you.
Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
You Are What You Eat One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a vegetarian and constantly berated the other for eating meat. After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!" The carnivore replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)." As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over. The carnivore called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. "I have good news, and I have bad news." He told the uninjured carnivore. "The good news is that your friend is going to pull through. The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
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