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Usually Jokes

Divorce Puns
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
Funny Money Quotes
"The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less." ~ Brendan Behan
Elf Puns
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Crow Puns
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Christian Pick Up Lines
Can you hold my gloves for a second? I usually warm them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
Kitchen Puns
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Oral Hygiene Puns
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Weather Pick Up Lines
Can you hold my gloves for me? I usually wear them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
Funny Birthday Poems
It’s your birthday, there is no cure,
Cakes and candles, you must endure,
Quick and painless, let me assure,
A tiny chance, you will be mature,
With this crowd, usually secure,
Random fun, with results obscure,
Liquids we drink, definitely pure,
Goofy friends, minds we tour,
Hilarious birthday, that’s for sure.

(Martin Dejnicki)
Strawberry Puns
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”

- Leo Burke.
Sink Puns
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
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