Jokes > Tags > Use


I got in touch with my inner self today...That's the a last time I use 1-ply toilet paper
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
Joe Girard
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What do Ents wear to the beach?
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.