A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!" The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves. So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?” The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’? No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’
Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show. He counted:
A cowboy and a red Indian are walking through the desert... After a short time the Indian stops the cowboy before dropping to his knees and placing his ear to the ground. Upon standing the Indian says firmly "Buffalo come"
"That's amazing" says the cowboy, "How can you tell that?"