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Tried Jokes

Meat Puns
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Funny Health Quotes
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
Tableware Puns
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Onion Puns
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme… Then two of my friends would have a dollar and two of their friends EACH would have had two dollars. And the guy above them? He’d get tons of dollars.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something, I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling.
Gnome Puns
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Peach Puns
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Utensils Puns
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Pot Puns
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Pea Puns
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
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