Tour Jokes

What does the Tour de France and Amsterdam have in common?
They both have a bunch of people on drugs riding around on bikes.
It’s your birthday, there is no cure,
Cakes and candles, you must endure,
Quick and painless, let me assure,
A tiny chance, you will be mature,
With this crowd, usually secure,
Random fun, with results obscure,
Liquids we drink, definitely pure,
Goofy friends, minds we tour,
Hilarious birthday, that’s for sure.

(Martin Dejnicki)
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Girl, you are the spark that lights my fire.
---
Come on, I’ll give you a tour of my tent...
I Tour de Francy you.
A Shocking Royal Visit
A Shocking Royal Visit The Queen of England was visiting one of London's top hospitals recently, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my God!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?" The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your majesty, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly." "Oh, I am sorry." said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a BJ. "Oh my God!", cried out the Queen, "What's happening in THERE??" "Same issue, better health plan." Replied the doctor.
I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
Took a tour of Pisa, Italy...
Tour guide said “Hello, my name is Eileen.”
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