Told Jokes

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
Are you looking for a tree topper? Because I've been told I'm a star on top.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Has anyone ever told you that you look like an ancient Chinese scroll? Because I can't stop looking you up and down.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
Hi, my name is Cage and if I had a nickel for every time I told a funny joke...
I would be Nickeless Cage.
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
If I told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
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