Something

The nurse called me and said, “Under ‘medical history’, we were hoping for something specific to you.”
You wrote down “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.

“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
I just held a huge Thor party for my son's 5th birthday.
He got overwhelmed because I guess he wanted something a little more Loki.
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

“Oh, I don’t know”, she said. “Just give me something with diamonds”.

That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
Do you have something against puns?
No, I'm not homophonic!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.



“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
Jay Leno
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.