Slip Jokes

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing but you actually mean your mother.
They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.
I wonโ€™t let you slip through my Butter Fingers.
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. What an ungrateful lot he thinks.

When he gets to work his attractive secretary asks him whatโ€™s wrong and he explains.
โ€œWhy donโ€™t I take you out to lunch to cheer you up,โ€ she says.

After a lovely lunch and a couple of glasses of champagne, she says do you mind if we drop into my apartment on the way home.

Interested, he replies, โ€Sure!โ€

At her apartment she smiles, fixes him a drink, and then says, โ€œI just have to slip into the bedroom for a minute.โ€
In a moment sheโ€™s back with a birthday cake, his family and all his friends.

And thereโ€™s him lying naked on the couch.

"ah..." he says. "Surprise?"
How to Get Your Packages Two friends, Mick and Dave, are having lunch over at Daveโ€™s house when the conversation turns to postal delivery workers. Dave, disgruntled about the subject, says โ€œI order a lot of books to get delivered here daily, but I always get a slip saying that they missed me, even if Iโ€™m home to receive them. Iโ€™m getting sick of it.โ€ Mick, understanding his frustration, suggests โ€œMaybe you should fight back, complain about it or something.โ€ Dave confidently replies โ€œDonโ€™t you worry about that. Iโ€™ve got it sorted today. Iโ€™ve put a sign on the front saying that I trade books for paint thinner.โ€ Mick confusedly asks โ€œAnd how will that solve the problem?โ€ As though on cue, the doorbell rings and a man is heard calling out that heโ€™s with the local postal delivery service, followed by some choice swearing. Dave, nonplussed by the whole situation, wipes his mouth, stands up and says to Mick โ€œBecause I covered the front doorstep with super glue.โ€
Do you mind if I slip my rope under your route?
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Can you tell your tendy to look the other way while I slip one?
Can I slip one past your goalie?
You make my heart slip 'n slide.
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