A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!" The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
There was a Young Lady whose chin, Resembled the point of a pin. So she had it made sharp, And purchased a harp, And played several tunes with her chin.
There was an Old Person of Chester, Whom several small children did pester; They threw some large stones, Which broke most of his bones, And displeased that Ols Person of Chester.
There was a Young Lady of Welling, Whose praise all the world was a-telling; She played on a harp, And caught several carp, That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.
There was a Young Lady of Troy, Whom several large flies did annoy; Some she killed with a thump, Some she drowned at the pump, And some she took with her to Troy.
There was an Old Person of Rhodes, Who strongly objected to toads; He paid several cousins, To catch them by the dozens, That futile Old Person of Rhodes.
The was a Young Lady of Bute, Who played on a silver-gilt flute; She played several jigs, To her uncle's white pigs, That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
There was an Old Man of Marseilles, Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils; They caught several Fish, Which they put in a dish, And sent to their Pa' at Marseilles.
There was a Young Lady whose chin, Resembled the point of a pin; So she had it made sharp, And purchased a harp, And played several tunes with her chin.
The Engineer, Physicist, & Mathematician
An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.
At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while.
He accompanies an officer to check up on them.
The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer.
To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.
"How is that possible?" said the officer. "That wall was solid concrete!"
The warden quietly inspected the cell.
After a few minutes, he exited and said, "He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole."
The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist.
However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall.
And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes.
The warden declared, "According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open."
Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician.
Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation.
The officer sighed. "After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed."
The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled.
"It appears," the warden said, "that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall."
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
A man visits a televangelist and asks him to help him with his hearing. The televangelist grabs his heads and violently shakes it back and forth for several minutes, screaming and shouting. After the violent gesture ends the televangelist looks at him and says, “How is your hearing?”
The man replies, “I don’t know yet. It’s not until next Monday at 12:00.”