Relatives

“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
My relatives said, "You are so tall you don't need a ladder to climb?" I just replied, "How does it feel to hear anything I say after 10 seconds?".
My Relatives Seem to Keep Dying
My Relatives Seem to Keep Dying A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his, drinking by himself. Approaching his friend, he commented, "You look awful. What's wrong?" "My mother died in May and left me $15,000," the friend answered. "Boy, that's tough," the man replied. Continuing, the friend said, "Then in June, my dad died leaving me $50,000." "Gosh, both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed," said the man. "Last month my aunt died and left me $10,000," the friend added. "That's a lot to deal with. Losing three close family members in three months, is terrible!" replied the man. "Then this month," continued the friend, "nothing! Not even a single dime!"
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
The Little Boy and the Gravestones
The Little Boy and the Gravestones A woman takes her little boy to visit their dead relatives' gravestones at a cemetery. The little boy has never been to a cemetery before. The woman first takes her son her grandmother Annie's gravestone. The initials under Annie's name say R.I.P. The little boy asks, "Mommy, what does R.I.P. stand for?" His mother replies, "It stands for 'Rest in Peace.' That means we wish for Grandma Annie's spirit to find peace in the afterlife." Then, they come across the gravestone of the woman's uncle Joe. The little boy asks, "Mommy, what does R.I.H. stand for?", pointing to the initials printed under Uncle Joe's name. "We really didn't like Uncle Joe." Said his mother.
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