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Opening Jokes

Puns
I'm opening up an old folk's home in Tijuana.
Seรฑor Citizens.
Juice Puns
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
Theater Puns
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
AC Unit Puns
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Movie Pick Up Lines
Here's to a big opening weekend.
Hockey Pick Up Lines
Do you know what they say about hockey players? They can always find the opening!
Music Pick Up Lines
Are you the opening night? Because you make me nervous.
Fridge Puns
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Pot Puns
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Vegetable Puns
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Prison Puns
Why won't prison life be much different from playing for the Bills? OJ will still have big guys opening holes for him.
Funny Animal Quotes
โ€œI admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so thereโ€™s plenty of blame to go around.โ€

- John Lyon.
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