Open Jokes

A little less fight and a little more spark, close your mouth and open your heart.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
That Kenyan black smells wonderful! May I try it? Normally I stick to English Breakfast, but I’m always open to experimenting.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
Those are some nice legs. What time do they open?
I want your chestnuts roasting on my open fire.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
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