Needed

Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.
She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."

I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.