A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"

The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
An extremely slim model, Miss Slater,
Was attacked by a croc and it ate 'er.
Said her trainer, Tough deal,
What a horrible meal,
We should throw it some greens and potater.
There once was a fly on the wall,
I wonder why didn't it fall.
Because its feet stuck,
Or was it just luck,
Or does gravity miss things so small?
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
If a meteorite perfectly hits a planet, what do we call those ones which miss? Meteowrongs.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.