Measure

Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
Come, let’s measure the coefficient of friction between us.
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.