How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
Come, let’s measure the coefficient of friction between us.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie