Measure Jokes

I have an instrument that can measure the length of your throat.
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
I have an instrument that can measure the length of your throat.
Come, let’s measure the coefficient of friction between us.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
By Demeter.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
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