There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly slight-of-hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the on-board parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:
"IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!",
or "IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!",
or "IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!"
The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.
Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.
The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"
Did you know the painter Vincent van Gogh had a very large family?
There's his dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh
His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin, A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle, Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt, ang Gogh
The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh
The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking, WaytoGogh
The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV, Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling, there ya Gogh!
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician.
The magician was standing at the top of a slide in his shorts and was obviously enjoying a wet, fun time.
The three men looked at the liquid splashing in the air, their mouths dry and their tongues parched.
'Oh great magician,' they called to him. 'Will you let us drink from your pool?'
The magician looked at them and said, ''This is no ordinary pool nor ordinary water. This slide is magic given to me. You may each go down the slide once, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a pool of that drink. Drink well, for you will only get one chance.'
The first man went down yelling, ''beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling ''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy, enjoying himself, went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''
He instantly regretted it.
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