Longer Jokes

“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
Did you hear they are not making yardsticks any longer?
They’re not making them any shorter either.
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened to me.
Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
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