Longer Jokes

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
Someone asked David, "Don't you have problems walking if you are so long?". He just said, "Nope, my skeleton is just longer than yours."
Never get angry if someone makes jokes about your height. Be ready with a comeback like, "My legs are longer than the patience which I have for your jokes".
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
Did you hear they are not making yardsticks any longer?
They’re not making them any shorter either.
Did you know that a pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes? I bet I can make yours last longer than that.
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out countries in her.
No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe; I could find countries in her.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy