Lately Jokes

My d!ck's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
Have you been to the doctor's lately? Cause I think you're lacking some vitamin me.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives, you should go get one.
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'

'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
Have you botany plants lately?
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