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Keeps Jokes

Onion Puns
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines
My entire family keeps asking why Iā€™m still single. Want to help me change that?
Ghoul Puns
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Mexican Pick Up Lines
Can you be the fence that keeps me from freedom?
Tableware Puns
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Gnome Puns
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Utensils Puns
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Yard Puns
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
Food Quotes
ā€œA cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.ā€
ā€• Unknown
ā€œAn apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.ā€
ā€• Unknown
ā€œA pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.ā€
ā€• Jet Paacal
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
ā€” Joss Whedon
Funny Parenting Quotes
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." ā€“ Phyllis Diller
Funny Money Quotes
ā€œMoney isnā€™t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
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