There once was a fellow named Abe And today is the day he was slayed John Wilkes Booth took his life As he sat with his wife Who was visibly shocked and dismayed
In Kentucky Abe Lincoln was born A State that would later be torn When a war was declared And a nation prepared For a lot of dead soldiers to mourn
He moved the Hoosier State Where they always have corn on their plate In the law he was trained Much respect he attained Winning many a rousing debate
In The Senate he later would serve With copious gusto and verve Then The White House he sought Which he won by a lot But many down south were unnerved
As President, Lincoln decided That the law of the land was misguided And that slaves should be freed But the south disagreed And the country was badly divided
What ensued was a horrible war Full of death and destruction galore The battles were heated The south was defeated But one aimed to settle the score
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry... I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted." Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth. I let him loose so that he could fly South. But he came home again. This proves that I can't win. He says the F word two hundred times a day. He offends everybody and drives them away. Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them. I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him. I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner. If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.
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